Why do guys have to be so god damn sweet?!? and loveable? They are so kind and nice and try so fucking hard to help you. But I can't do aything. DAMN IT ALL. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to be mean to him. But if i faced his questions he'd braked, but now that I've ignored them he's broken. Why can't he just be a complete ass so I don't have care about hurting him. About leaving him broken. I don't want to be scared of seeing him. Scared of dealing with this boy have known for so long. I may have juust lost an amazing friend of mine. Some that has been there for four years. He dealt with me being insane, and angry, and nice, and spazztic. He gets my sudden bouts of randomness. And never let me beat myself up or insult myself. He was just there for so much and he never asked or judged or backed down. Now I can't even do the same for him just because i am such a coward. He just asked me one question and I was forced to choose between to horrible roads. Now I've walked one and wished I had walked the other. Damn, I'm too much of a coward to even go fix it. and I could, right now. But no I won't.
Fuck IT All!
I. Am. Such. a. Coward.


This rant doesn't even make sense. Grand. Lost a great friend, cuz I'm a moron. Can't even see any reasoning behind it all except my own fear and hurting him, which just ended up hurting him. I can't even seem to be friends with someone the right way. much rant about it the right way. I know I shouldn't be tearing at my already weak self esteem, but fuck.... I know I deserve this lashing. Hah. Now I'm talking like some god damn emo. lord, i need help